Workshop Participants:

“When we got to the part where Rev. Cat  asked us to bring in our own challenging situations so we could practice applying the process, and people were bringing these really gnarly problems, I kept thinking ‘She won't be able to find a way to approach this one.” But every time she did!

“This workshop gave me new hope for resolving the challenges in our congregation, our world - and in my own family! I greatly appreciated interweaving of conceptual learning and exercises for practical application.  Rev. Cat went deep and kept it light at the same time. I’m looking forward to more!”

“Many heartfelt thanks for articulating so clearly and kindly, the responsibility and opportunities we Unitarian Universalist have to affirm EVERYONE'S inherent worth and dignity - a key UU principle for me.  It was so encouraging to hear this acknowledged by one of our clergy leaders.”

“Inner miracles of releasing resentment I have held for decades happened through this work. Thank you.”

Clergy:

“Our work with Rev. Cat is leading to deepening our personal spiritual connections to one another and our compassion for the world at large. This work invites us into a new depth of understanding and care wherever we meet life.”   - Rev. Kevin Tarsa, UU Community of the Mountains

Cat Cox’s work with our members has had a lasting impact on the culture of right relationship in our congregation. In real time, I witness people use the concepts that they explored and workshopped to consider how they are in relationship with one another and address conflict. Having a body of congregants with this experience is going a long way in cultivating healthy, curious, and respectful engagement across divergent viewpoints. There will always be difference of opinion in our congregations, and we believe that is a good thing. Cat Cox’s consultation has given many in our congregation the skills to embrace those differences in a positive and constructive way.”  - Rev. Scott Rudoloh

“When the congregation I was serving became embroiled in factionalizing conflict, the skilled colleagues we brought in only made things worse. It was only the approach, materials and process that Rev. Cat used that gave participants a common language and shared perspective to understand themselves and each other, enabling and motivating them to move forward together. It was transformative. The congregation came together and continues to practice and deepen the skills Rev Cat shares.”  - Rev. Mary Grigolia

For many years (about 15) Cat worked with me as an individual in her spiritual direction practice, teaching me The Path of Joy.

As a congregational minister I constantly found myself bumping up against individuals who challenged my ability to respond pastorally, (and sometimes appropriately). I also witnessed frustration among congregational leaders who encountered the same people or in general basic disagreement around issues/concerns in the congregation, never feeling satisfied with their own leadership. 

In my history I had a year’s training in Pastoral Care,

But I still struggled with members who constantly disagreed with either me or other members, affecting our shared ministry together. 

One day I decided to talk with Cat, and we agreed to meet by ZOOM. I shared with her that the best way I learn is through witnessing someone model the practice that is being taught. So the more I worked with Cat, the more I witnessed, while at the same time, I began developing my own practice with her support and gentle guidance.

The first few years it was all about my learning Non-Violent Communication, which forms the basis of her congregational programs; however, like Cat’s practice, my learning began to give expression to a variety of modalities that she includes in her teaching, for example, Bryon Katie’s work, systems within congregations, and relevant authors such as Brene Brown and dreamwork with Jeremy Taylor. Her expertise in knowing which modality or practice to employ when has been most effective in supporting my understanding and learning and has had an impact resulting in benefit and change for me.

The last three years of our work together began as a trial for me as a minister, serving a congregation with a history of multiple negotiated resignations with ministers over the last 20 years. 

When I agreed to the Developmental ministry contract I took the attitude that I’m going to be open to try anything to help this congregation shift out of its 'way of being' that includes a learning and understanding of how they evolved into a disappointing spiral with ministers. By the way, the disappointment was for everyone, not just the ministers who were asked to leave.

The risk I took was to ask Cat to find a way to partner with me and the congregational leadership that would not only teach a practice but could also learn from the mistakes in past years. I knew a tipping point would have to occur within the 3 years that I was serving the congregation to provide any kind of hope for the next minister (and members) to survive. After I introduced Cat to the leadership I introduced her work to about 45 members in person for a Saturday session and she spoke on Sunday to a crowd of about 150. These meetings gave spark to the possibility of hope with change.

So we agreed to meet with her the first year for 2 six-week sessions, for an hour and a half, with 12 people in each group, by way of ZOOM video conferencing which was scary for many, initially. Once everyone got comfortable with the technology we were off and running! The second year we worked with Cat expanding the length of time from 6 weeks to 9 months, meeting once a month for an hour and a half each from September to May. About 20 people signed up for the practice with a high percentage of attendance throughout the 9 months. We did the same thing the 3rd year so that by the end of the first three years Cat's practice had directly touched about 75 people in a membership of about 175. 

Cat also worked with the ConflictResolution Team as a part of her contract with us. She is very flexible and aware of how the needs of each congregation differ, and she finds ways to honor what each needs. 

The last year she also coached me while I offered a practice session, face to face with about 12 people for 9 months, all of whom had taken a class of Cat’s in the last 2 years. This helped solidify the practice and gave each participant another chance to practice on a real-time issue/problem within congregational life.

The greatest learning I witnessed among the members who took her classes over the many months, was the way in which people started responding to other people differently. Indeed, a genuine shift occurred. Instead of members staying away from people with whom they may disagree,  they found ways to connect with them instead. Whenever a person was upset about something someone said or did, those who took the class learned how to respond instead of react, which was a major learning. 

I listened to how people chose to express themselves in ways that became clearer and more intentional, instead of saying things that gave an impression that there was a whole group of people being represented by this one person. Their “I” statements were beginning to be truly their own while simultaneously learning about the impact of what those “I” statements may have had on someone else.

All this may sound insignificant in the grand scheme of congregational life, however, these skills are fundamental to health and vitality if people are looking for ways their lives can be meaningful, especially as community building is happening within the congregation. Then the mission of the congregation can actually start to make sense to those members who don’t take the classes with Cat. They notice when someone changes their language or reactivity and they really notice when “I” statements seem no longer a threat and instead are experienced as a way to stay connected when disagreements occur.

Cat is so gifted in teaching this practice, using our principles of UUism and our covenantal way of life we all hope/long for in our congregations, especially in our everyday functioning. She has the ability to model, teach, encourage and give opportunity to practice with each other in the ZOOM classes, with topics/experiences that are relevant, real and timely for lasting learning and change. And humor is a part of her practice, something I find as life-giving.

Frankly, for me, her classes were what kept my hope alive for congregational life during those last 3 years in Developmental ministry, making it possible, effective, and purposeful in todays world. UU’s are needed in the world, especially if we have the tools to effectively connect with human beings who more than likely will disagree with us at some point. - Rev. Nan White (retired)